AVL NVC Consciousness Gathering – NVC & Politics

In our next Asheville NVC Consciousness meeting, we will be exploring how to implement our work with NVC into the realm of political opposition and rhetoric. Never before have we seen such polarity amidst opposing political parties. The resulting violence, in language and behavior, can be enraging, paralyzing and confusing.
With election season coming up in November, the connection between NVC and politics is a theme we’d like to bring to the table to help us better understand the undercurrents of feelings and needs behind this political season. The hope in doing so is to bridge the gap between ourselves and ‘the other’ so as to make life more wonderful.
-Erika Binger
Erika and I will be co-hosting this event at Kairos Community Center West. Please note that Kairos is moving into the building where Firestorm is. The address should be 610 Haywood Rd, Asheville, NC. The move should be complete to our new building space by the time of our meeting. I am contacting the Kairos coordinator for confirmation and will let you know if there are any issues or changes.
Please note that we will be starting at 7pm so I’d enjoy if you arrive before then to get seated and situated.

AVL NVC Consciousness Gathering – Practicing Needs

In our next Asheville NVC Consciousness meeting we will be experientially exploring Needs as distinct strategies. Needs are the heart of NVC and of life, our driving life force. When we understand that Needs and strategies are not the same, we open the door to vast potential to be able to speak to our Needs more effectively and in harmony with the Needs of others.

We will be meeting at our regularly scheduled time and location, 7pm-9pm on the first Tuesday of the month (August 2nd) at Kairos Community Center West (742 Haywood Rd), in the same parking lot as The Guitar Trader across the street from Biscuit Head.

I hope to see you there!

AVL NVC Consciousness Gathering – Practicing Feelings

In our next Asheville NVC Consciousness meeting we will be experientially exploring Feelings as distinct from thoughts/evaluations. While Feelings seem straightforward, our language and culture has conditioned us to overlay our Feelings with thoughts and emulations with the phrase “I feel like/as is/that.” Building a feelings vocabulary and awareness is part of the core of an NVC practice.

Please join Sasha Tsyupka and me as we practice feelings awareness and vocabulary.

We will be meeting at our regularly scheduled time and location, 7pm-9pm on the first Tuesday of the month (July 5th) at Kairos Community Center West (742 Haywood Rd), in the same parking lot as The Guitar Trader across the street from Biscuit Head.

We hope to see you there!

AVL NVC Consciousness Gathering – Practicing Observations

In our next Asheville NVC Consciousness meeting we will be experientially exploring observations as distinct from evaluations. Please join Sasha Tsyupka and me as we practice making observations and how this strategy helps foster empathy for ourselves and others.

We will be meeting at our regularly scheduled time and location, 7pm-9pm on the first Tuesday of the month (June 7th) at Kairos Community Center West (742 Haywood Rd), in the same parking lot as The Guitar Trader across the street from Biscuit Head.

We hope to see you there!

AVL NVC Consciousness Gathering – Transforming Our Anger (pt2 – workshop)

  • Location: Kairos – 742 Haywood Rd, Asheville, NC 28806
  • Date & Time: Tuesday, May 3rd from 7pm-9pm.
  • Co-host: Sasha Tsyupka

Our last gathering (Transforming Our Anger) turned out to be a wonderful discussion around the process of identifying and transforming our anger. Part two will be the hands-on experiential workshop component of this process. I’m delighted that Sasha Tsyupka will be co-hosting this event again with me.

In this gathering we will review what we discussed in the last meeting, then Sasha and I will demonstrate the process of transforming our anger, and then we will break into pairs to practice the process. Please try to bring with you 2 specific examples of a time when you felt angry and be able to identify a specific trigger person/scenario around this anger.

Please note that pairs will be matched by relative sensitivity to anger. For example, if you have a high sensitivity to anger, you will be paired with someone who shares a high sensitivity and who will likely be mindful of this sensitivity.

I look forward to seeing you there!

“For teaching purposes, I sometimes refer to anger as similar to the warning light on the dashboard of a car – it’s giving you useful information about what the engine needs. You wouldn’t want to hide or disconnect or ignore it. You’d want to slow down the car and figure out what the light’s trying to tell you.” (Marshall B. Rosenberg)

*This event is free.

AVL NVC Consciousness Gathering – Transforming Our Anger workshop

Transforming Our Anger

  • Location: Kairos – 742 Haywood Rd, Asheville, NC 28806
  • Date & Time: Tuesday, April 5th from 7pm-9pm.
  • Co-host: Sasha Tsyupka

For our next Asheville NVC Consciousness gathering we will be meeting at Kairos West Community Center. I’m delighted to share that Sasha Tsyupka will be co-hosting this event with me where we will be talking about and working with Transforming Our Anger.

“For teaching purposes, I sometimes refer to anger as similar to the warning light on the dashboard of a car – it’s giving you useful information about what the engine needs. You wouldn’t want to hide or disconnect or ignore it. You’d want to slow down the car and figure out what the light’s trying to tell you.” (Marshall B. Rosenberg)

Together we will discuss steps to transform our anger, see a demonstration of the process, and then break into pairs to practice these steps. Please bring a specific example of a time when you felt angry and be able to identify a specific trigger person around this anger.

Please note that pairs will be matched by relative sensitivity to anger. For example, if you have a high sensitivity to anger, you will be paired with someone who shares a high sensitivity and who will likely be mindful of this sensitivity.

*This event is free.

Receiving a “no”


“The key to fostering connection in the face of a ‘no’ is always hearing ‘yes’ to something else and, as such, it is the beginning, not the end of a conversation. Hear the ‘Yes’ behind the ‘No.'” – Marshall Rosenberg
 
When we remember that needs are distinct from strategies, and that everything we do is a strategy to speak to a need, we can then translate someone’s “no” into “that is not a strategy that is in harmony with my needs right now” rather than receiving a “no” to our needs.
 
If we then also remember that whenever someone is saying “no” they are saying “yes” to something else, we create pathways of curiosity, exploration, compassionate understanding, and connection that honors needs in mutually beneficial ways.

 

If you would like to receive updates from Sustainable Way of Life including the latest blog post, please enter your email address at the bottom-right of this page.

AVL NVC Consciousness Gathering – Working with Triggers

:Announcement: The Asheville NVC Consciousness will now be meeting on the first Tuesday of every month unless otherwise stated.

Our next gathering will be Intro to Working with Triggers. It will be held on February 2, 2016 from 6:55pm – 9pm. The location will be at 29 Parkwood Ave, Asheville, NC 28804. 

Event Details:

It can be very challenging to remain connected to ourselves and others when we’re triggered.

In this gathering we will explore the experience of being triggered, pre-trigger practices, practices during trigger, and post-trigger practices.

*This event if free. There is a donation box for “green gratitude” if you so are inspired, by there is no absolutely obligation to donate.

Distracting ourselves from it won’t make it go away

When we commit the time and energy (and bravery) to connect with ourselves at a supremely honest and vulnerable level, even when the feelings we’re experiencing are on that “Feelings When Needs Are Not Being Spoken To” list, even when it means shedding light on thoughts we shouldn’t be having, when we move with and be present with what is alive in us rather than trying to avoid or change what is present, we open the door to discovery of such depth, such clarity, such invigoration, such care, such empowerment!

The longer we consider this state of being as negative, bad, wrong, incorrect, should not be, to be fixed and controlled, the longer we will persist in this state of being, our driving life force deeply longing to be acknowledged, to be heard, to be understood. Avoiding it, side-stepping it, distracting ourselves from it will not make it go away.

Needs, strategies, & meaning

Needs are distinct from strategies. This is what makes them universal to the human condition. If you’re speaking about a particular person, place, thing, or activity, then you are referring to a strategy and not a need. At the same time, a significant component of the human condition is to relate to the world around us, to specific persons, places, things, and activities. We derive vast meaning from this relating.

To think of someone you deeply love and and to believe that NVC is calling this person “simply a strategy” would not be congruous with NVC, which is a language of life. We can simultaneously hold how meaningful a particular person is to us while recognizing that this person is not the underlying need itself. They do not have to conflict.